Tattoos
- He looks like a desk in detention.
- He looks like he walked into a tattoo parlour and said “make me look like a
tattooed man”.
Narcissist
- He’d slap his own ass during sex.
- He’s the kind of guy that has a wank to a video of himself having a wank.
- He’s the kind of guy that would wake you up to tell you that he’s going to
sleep.
Singing
- Her singing voice is legendary, apparently she once made a blind man deaf.
Old
- He’s so old he won’t buy green bananas.
Fat
- She so fat her memory foam mattress took a whole year to forget.
Thin
- Give him a Dorito and he can go hang gliding.
Slut
- If her pussy had a password it’d be ‘password’.
Dislike
- I’m not saying I hate you, all I’m saying is that if you got hit by a bus, I’d
be driving that bus.
Crazy
- I can’t tell if you’re on too many drugs or not enough drugs.
Ugly
- You look like a before picture.
Disorganised
- He’s in charge of morale rather than logistics.
- He couldn’t organise a hunger strike at a fashion show.
Short
- Someone put her back in her case.
- Keep that up and I’m gonna come round and put all your stuff on top of the
fridge.